We Swear

I’m not even back for a week and I’m already getting “tagged”. Ugh.

Well, sorry for you, sista, you are getting the old _Jon.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Fucked if I know.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? April 11th, 2007. Pro’lly the 12th too. My dog. 16 years old. Awesome girl.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Chicken scratch. Worse than that. I wouldn’t buy a PDA with handwriting recognition ’cause it wouldn’t work.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ham. Hadji’s will pro’lly outlaw that soon. Turkey is too dry. Beef is too strong. I’ve had enough bologna to choke a dinosaur.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS? The reason I’m still alive. Two individuals that make me the luckiest man on earth.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Only if I were a masochist. I’m a pain-in-the-ass to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Very demanding. Very generous, too.
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Who me? Even now.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. I’ve tickled a few though.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I live in Detroit. I know real terror.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? What’s that – cow’s milk with sugar and dried sugar with sugar? No thanks. I once ate Captain Crunch, but he tore up the roof of my mouth. Wait. That sounds wrong. Which reminds me of this headline: “Serial Killer Strikes Again: Captain Crunch Found Drowned in Milk”. I always chuckle at that.
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? They have velcro. I don’t tie them either. Not even my work shoes.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Incredibly so.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Butterfinger Blizzard.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? What it would take to kill them.
RED OR PINK? Red.
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Fucking chick question. I may be a sarcastic, bitter, full-of-anger prick, but I love me. ALL of me. Every last bit. Didn’t you watch Star Trek? Real men want their flaws. Real men *need* their mistakes. It lets us know when we’ve changed course. Fuck-ups and flaws let us know that we can do better – and we will.
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Julie, duh. I miss her website, too. I gotta fix that. There have been plenty of times I wanted to update it. Like when her daughter graduated from high school. Another missed event. You have no idea.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black. What the fuck difference does it make? Do you have a fetish? Same with my underwear – briefs – if you must know.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Thai. Eating it now.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Rascal Flatts. not.a.big.fan. Boy band crap. I listen to Yahoo! Music. Not the download, but the streaming. I just have it on random songs. I love being able to skip sucky songs. Speaking of which. Next.
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Melted, snapped, and smooshed. WTF kinda question is this? Is this another chick question? Who the fuck *thinks* like this? “If I were a flower / animal / boot / type of poo, which would you be?” Totally shit queries, that’s what the fuck those are.
FAVORITE SMELLS? Hot pavement at the start of rain, the exhaust from my car, vanilla perfume (see above), my dog (^2).
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Dad. He’s awesome.
FAVORITE SPORTS? Hockey. But, then again, they keep fucking that up too. Nice “rules enforcement” there, morons. I just realized that they have turned hockey into Socialism – everyone is equal. Capitalism has been neutered out of professional sports – on all levels. Fucking Socialists. They’ve infiltrated *everything*!
HAIR COLOR? What hair? It used to be brown, with a light spot on the side where I shot myself in my previous life.
EYE COLOR? I don’t fucking know – I never look at them. My DL says “Hazel”. Whatever the fuck that is. Jebus this is the *last* fucking chick question I answer. I’m gonna hurt someone.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Not since the surgery. Now each eye has a little plus sign.
FAVORITE FOOD? Food. Specifically? Steak. or Italian. or Thai. The better the food, the more I like it. Mostly, I just love food – almost as much as sleeping and sex.
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Where is the “blow shit up” choice? Another f-ing chick question. That’s it! Who started this fucking “meme”? I’m gonna kill that bitch. Unless she has a gun. And is a better shot. Then I’ll just stalk her. Mebbe tickle her tonsils.
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hannibal Rising or something like that. It was about how he got the way he is. Pretty good – not too gory. It makes a lot of sense. He played a deliciously bad guy. Kinda slow though. I was able to play Carbon on the Wii while I watched it. So I guess that would make it …. slow.
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black. WTF difference does it make? Are you trying to spot me in a crowd here? I’m the geek in front of the computer, typing like a mad monkey! It doesn’t matter what I am (or am not) wearing. Fuck! Get a life, for crap’s sake.
SUMMER OR WINTER? Spring. Winter is cold, Summer is hot. Spring is alive with the death of newly born young-uns!
HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs.
FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate something with chocolate icing and chocolate on top. And chocolate sprinkles.
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No.Fucking.Body.
LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? huh? see above (I just realized this means the author is expecting to inflict this drivel on more than one person. How horrific! I’ll never get this 30 minutes of my life back! Where’s the fucking rewind button??)
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? What’s a “book”? Haven’t you heard of Al Gore’s “Internets”? Geeze.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? At work, they are all laser mice. I keep them on the left side. At home it is a track ball. It is on the right. No carpel tunnel for me.
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? I don’t have a TV. But at my brother’s, I think he had some shit on I was ignoring.
FAVORITE SOUND? When my car starts. Or a good fart. Kinda close.
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles. But I’d rather Linkin Park. Too many bad trips with the Stones.
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? LA. I didn’t like driving through the mountains from Vegas.
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? God yes. Want me to check your tonsils?
WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Detroit. Where the weak really are killed and eaten. Want some soup? Tastes just like chicken. (That’s a spoiler for the ‘fore-mentioned movie. Oops.)
WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? I would not torture anyone with such time-sucking drivel. Isn’t this a follow-on to the above two questions? Why isn’t it grouped with them? Who the fuck organized this thing? And – speaking of which – why the fuck didn’t they post a blank version that could be linked to – with no answers – so they questions could be easily copied? Geeze people are so disorganized. Bastards.

That was fun.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 18th, 2007 at 3:50 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.